11.22.15 – The ejaculation situation

My sex life has become a topic of interest among the righteous and faithful. I wish this newfound fascination was inspired by something more erotic than pregnancy, but I suppose that’s as erotic as it gets with this crowd.


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Apparently, some believe that women must accept the burden of motherhood every time they have sex. It might surprise you to learn that many people have no intention of procreating when they sleep together. I for one do not believe that sex is a contract for pregnancy.

Many of the messages I’ve received illustrate the resounding assumption that I’m pregnant because I was irresponsible and had unprotected sex. This is not true, but does this really matter? Perhaps it’s easier to demonize a pregnant woman seeking abortion rather than consider that she’s someone like you.

What I hadn’t quite realized until now is how much attention is focused on the exact manner in which a child is conceived. Total strangers have asked me to explain, or presumed details about the person I’ve been sleeping with, whether I take birth control, the kind of sex we had, the general level of promiscuity in my life, and the amount of times I’ve “thrown babies in the trash after a wild orgy.” Apparently, to those who oppose abortion, the value of a potential life is directly related to how it was conceived.

Interestingly, my male counterpart shared news about our abortion on his social media accounts and has yet to receive a single criticism. Additionally, not one of his friends or family members assumed for a moment that he might keep the child when he announced my pregnancy. Nobody has asked him if he wore a condom, or if he’s thought about adoption. As far as I know, nobody is praying for him tonight.

I am repulsed that the most intimate details of a woman’s life are co-opted and broadcast in order to shame, humiliate, and guilt her in the name of a “innocent child’s life.”

Forced motherhood, deprived of its humanity.  A jury’s verdict.

10 thoughts on “11.22.15 – The ejaculation situation

  1. I’ve had 2 abortions. All before I was 25.I have no plans in becoming a mother.I don’t want to be one.Unfortunately,my mother had 14 of us,me being number 3,so I’m “blessed” with fertility.I’ve asked gyno at least 20 times if I could get my tubes tied and she has always answered the same answer.”No.If you want to have children later you’ll regret it.”She is operating on the premise that I don’t know what I want.At least that is what it feels like anyway.I’m tempted to take the matter to court because it is interfering with my reproductive rights.I don’t want to reproduce.Everytime I think about having sex now I feel sick with fear.Even with protection it’s not a sure thing.My first abortion was when I was 21.I was happily in love with my boyfriend at the time,but we had only been dating for 6 months.I didn’t have a job,I was still in school to be a massage therapist.His job sucked,because he worked for his dad,but was getting paid 20 bucks for working 8 hour shifts.He didn’t want to tell his parents so we terminated.It wasn’t as awful as I had thought it’d be.The emotions and guilt after were what tortured me.All I wanted was to not feel sad.All I wanted was to talk about it to everyone,spill my soul,but there is so much,venom when it came to the topic I couldn’t imagine what I’d hear about it.So it stayed my secret.I became super sensitive to people posting on facebook about prolife,and the stages of pregnancy and that it was wrong.It was poison.It took me a long time to get to a place of being functional.The 2nd pregnancy was with an older man.He was a sweetheart,but I didn’t love him.I appreciated him.My plan was to stay with him regardless of my feelings because he could give me what I wanted.Which was a man that knew what he wanted and was ready to be an adult and settle down.Not like settle down with kids or anything,but to have a partner in crime.We were only together for 3 months when it happened.I was horrified.When I found out I wanted to hang myself in the shower.I was 24,I still hadn’t really dealt with the first abortion and I knew when I saw those horrid little double pink lines that I wanted an abortion.I didn’t want to be tied to this man that could die at any time(he wasn’t taking care of his health very well).I didn’t love him enough to ruin my body and carry the parasitic evidence of our union.I knew when telling him he’d be over joyed.I hated myself for it.I hated him for it.I hated everything in the universe,but I couldn’t blame anyone but myself.The way I saw it was,I wanted an abortion 100%.But because I still was grieving for the 1st abortion,the idea of a 2nd made me want to kill myself.I didn’t wanna keep the baby because I was gonna be tied to this man for the rest of my life.That was unacceptable,especially because of the amount of time we had even been together 3 whole months.That idea made me REALLY wanna kill myself.The only idea I was ok with was adoption.But because of my beginnings and also being adopted,I wouldn’t wish that on my worse enemy.My mom talked me outta doing adoption.She knows me too well.She knows ,as I will acknowledge that carrying a child inside my body for 9 months,it’d be hard for me to give that child away.To this day I wish I had stood my ground and just had the kid and found a nice home with parents that would love them.Preferably gay parents,but that is neither here nor there.It was the only decision,that didn’t inspire me to want to end my life.Now although I have gotten the abortions,I don’t regret having them.I am not ready to be a mother.I don’t think I ever will be.And that is ok.People would have A LOT to say about my decisions and that is also ok.I did what was best for me and that is all that matters.Yes I have guilt that’ll take sometime to go away,but I am happy with where I am currently.

  2. I’m sorry for all that you’re going through with idiots who should mind their own business. Your body and your choice to abort should never come under attack but that is not the world we live in, now.

    Stay strong.

  3. I have had a few abortions, I was always on birth control. I was also blessed with fertility. Coming from an abusive broken home, stuck in abusive relationships one after another I made a choice. One that is not spoken of, celebrated or applauded. I chose to suffer instead of carrying an innocent soul into the world to suffer. This year I got pregnant again, on birth control ( I use the patch and got pregnant during my period) I take anti deppressents. I was thrilled at first and then I realized once again I was in a situation where the man treated me badly and he came from a broken home as well, I told my family, they said they would support me. I would have been in court for years fighting for custody no doubt. I had/have no money. I loved that little spark of life in me because it was… A spark of life and it was mine. I chose abortion.

    The anasthesia did not take effect, the 8 minute procedure took 28 because my cervix kept closing. Now I live in a place where I try to keep living and its hard. I cry. Alot. I have come to the conclusion that this reality we live in is hell. Child abuse, rape, human slavery, animal abuse…. Oh wait did you think hell was worse then here? Why? Because there is supposed to be fire or a man with hooves and a tail? No. This is hell.

  4. “Additionally, not one of his friends or family members assumed for one minute that he might keep the child.” Funny, men don’t get to make that choice. The fact is that, for convenience to her current life / lifestyle, a woman can choose to terminate a pregnancy. However, regardless of the level of inconvenience an unplanned pregnancy may cause the father, he has no power to do the same. The father just gets the “you have to live up to the consequences of your actions” speech. I think women should have to do the same. The only planned parenthood out there should be ” if you get yourself pregnant, plan on becoming a parent”!

    1. We could make a big discussion on this but is easy, always, always the mother has more to lose, even when a man could be very responsable, the woman has to carry the child, I’m not sayin that a man is not a part in parenthood but “live the consequences” could be also you decided to be a parent or not to. Have children just because you made a mistake could make those children also unhappy. This is not just a ” if you get yourself pregnant, plan on becoming a parent” is a really complex theme

  5. as a single guy who is highly concerned about pregnancy, i am a person who would be interested in knowing details of how conception actually happened. more directly, which method of contraception failed and if it is known why. i have asked a friend of mine before who got pregnant with his girlfriend how it actually happened. he pulled out. they got pregnant. twice. “i didn’t blow it in her either time” is what he said. personally i don’t really trust any method of contraception 100%, but have to rely on *something* if i ever want to have sex again. whether it’s condoms, the pill, spermicide, diaphragm, implanon, iud, rhythm method, etc…. they all have their failure stories. knowing which method failed and why affects how much i trust a particular method of contraception. but never have i broadcast questions on social media. i am very careful on how i approach the subject, if at all. just like i don’t feel that there are enough detailed accounts of abortions online, i don’t feel that there are enough detailed explanations online of exactly how and why birth control methods fail. and it seems that i assign more value to information that i am receiving from someone that i am interacting with directly as opposed to information simply read off of the internet.

  6. I don’t agree that “you shouldn’t have opened you’re fucking legs”. Really, who says that? And I do agree that people have no intention of procreating when they sleep together. But honestly, isn’t that what female bodies do? I myself have never wanted children, and the idea that I could possibly become pregnant was a mental burden for me. With that said, I took every precaution to not become pregnant. Even spontaneous sex was protected sex, and as soon as it was possible, I got my tubes tied. I don’t condone or condemn abortions, I just know I never wanted to have to make that decision.

  7. I would like to first thank you for writing about your experience. I’m so sorry that Michigan law makes you jump through ridiculous hoops once you had decided to have an abortion. Mature, stable people who decide to have an abortion shouldn’t have to say “yes” multiple times and be forced to undergo invasive and unnecessary medical procedures just to “win” the prize of reproductive HEALTH CARE.

    And with regard to all the ignorant shites out there who said you should have kept your legs shut, ignore those assholes. They’re probably the same people who force their girlfriends to get an abortion in a different city when they face an unplanned & unwanted pregnancy. OR they ARE the girlfriends who undergo that under-the-table mendacity.

    And for ‘single guy,’ I’m sorry that sex education was so incomplete for you. This is the most-important reason why our children deserve an honest, thorough education in reproduction and how to avoid it. There are so many things that you should know if you’re determined not to become a parent before you’re ready, and it sounds like you need to start with some basic reproductive ed. I believe that you could call your local chapter of Planned Parenthood, and someone there could provide you with some basic CORRECT information. Or if that seems too difficult for you, you can find a book that will tell you everything. FYI, even if the man doesn’t ejaculate inside the woman, there are other ways for sperm to find its way to the egg. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_5_13?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=sex+education+for+adults&sprefix=Sex+education%2Cstripbooks%2C177

  8. My abortion was done at 12 weeks… After I found out the guy I was trying to make it work with, was still using me and my body. He would have sex with me, kiss my stomach and leave to go call his 350lb gossiping ex girlfriend whom he still shows loyalty to. He had disclosed to her that I had been abused as a child and many other things, while he was busy guilting me into keeping the baby he was telling friends that the only reason he was talking to me was the baby. He would yell at me on the phone ( we have a restraining order since he tried to throw me off a balcony) and my family…. They heard all the gossip he so loves to spew and I knew what I had to do.

    I have gotten pregnant on birth control in the past due to antibiotics, depo provera and this time my body managed to ovulate during my period.

    I try not to blame him ” Trevor” I blame myself for trusting blindly.

    The anesthesia didn’t work…. 28 minutes of being held down screaming, misroprostal that abortion pill to take at home. I will never be who I was. Condoms with spermicide are the only 100% if it breaks take plan b ( which I took during my period because I was paranoid)

    He kept abusing, lying, leading me on. I turned to anything I could find to forget.

    At least there is one less child that will grow up broken

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