11.17.15 – The mother idol

The thought of being a mother is unfathomable. Not because I think that it’s impossible (obviously), but because it’s light years away from who I understand myself to be and who I am prepared to become. I have friends who are mothers. They are different. A friend who is a mother is not just a friend. She is a mother also. It makes a difference. I’m twenty-nine, and this year for the first time I am sometimes asked if I’m a mother, or a wife. My skin starts crawling. For my own reasons, I am agitated by conventional behavior. The spectacle of the family unit seems unnatural, yet, remains undoubtedly the reigning organizational system. We idolize the mother, the matron of life and parent-extraordinaire. As a child I used to stare at round pregnant bellies in awe, and replay stories of my own birth in my head. Socially, there is an invisible space created for the mother, the vestal woman, the reverent father, the fetishized child. It’s conceptual. To become a mother, is to transcend.

8 thoughts on “11.17.15 – The mother idol

  1. Motherhood isn’t for everyone. You can have maternal instincts and be a fantastic woman just the same. We were made for more than just to reproduce. We are here to make the world a better place, however we can. I will never be a mother and I have accepted that. It is not part of my journey. If it’s not yours, we are fortunate that we currently live in a country that allows us to choose.

  2. Thank you for putting yourself out there. I’ve been there. It’s not too terrible, physically. Just crampy, mild discomfort. I recommend the “twilight sleep” (sedation) if you’re not being put under just because it cramp less.
    You have my email. If you have any questions, I will answer in detail. Good luck and thank you for sharing this.

  3. This post seems like you’re buying in to the mother idol and you’re not a person I expect to buy into mythology of any kind. People who are parents are people just like people who aren’t parents.

  4. It’s awesome to know that there’s woman out there that think exactly like me, about motherhood. The whole process and the way it changes your life, for me, it seems unnatural for the person that I am. Thank you, for writing this and to speak out in a world rule by religion and patriarchal societies.

  5. Well, I’m about to become a young mother and though I totally believe there’s a glorified and overrated vision of a mother and a demonized one of a “free” woman, I just don’t feel like a heroine. I mean, I didn’t choose to become a mother because I’m a woman and it’s my nature nor because someday God will judge me or because I was going to be seen as a killer if i chose abortion. I chose to become a mother because, when I got pregnant, I realized how much I wanted to become a mother. It’s so stupid that we are waiting for everyone to recognize what we are doing. At the end it’s just our experience and they don’t need to talk about it. I mean, yes, having a baby can be something very positive for many people but, why we make so much noise about it? You don’t acquire superpowers during parenthood. It’s just an experience just like running a marathon, graduating, traveling, working… You enjoy it, learn from it and become “wiser”. There’s no need to glorify or demonize a woman for the decision she makes about her body. By the way, thanks a lot for sharing your experience.

  6. Your blog is a wonderful thing. Thank you for the courage to put it all out there for us to see, feel resonance with, learn from, appreciate.
    Motherhood entails great sacrifice. For some of us, its fulfillment outweighs the sacrifice. For others, we have a different path to tread.
    If every woman were a mother to children, who would have the time and energy to be mother to our culture, to the earth, to the human race?
    The Mother icon is just one aspect of Her face. I’m not sure any woman escapes being a mother in some way during her lifetime. We just get to choose how to embody that spirit.

  7. I’m with you 100%. I’m already almost 40 and guess what – it never changes. If you weren’t pre-programmed to swallow the motherhood Kool Aid, that skin crawling sentiment doesn’t quite go away, the unfathomableness of undertaking that voluntary indentured servitude never goes away.

    I know I can’t afford to be complacent but I am grateful that I passed the age at which 80% of my fertility dissappeared without needing to make the difficult (expensive!) decision you needed to.

    Thanks for this blog, though. Super necesary.

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